I’ve been thinking lately about doing some writing. I hate to admit it, but it’s been several years now since I have written anything. I do a lot of reading and writing at work and have to keep my brain really engaged all day, so I’ve found that either my brain is tired at the end of the day and I don’t feel like writing, or I’m afraid that if I get involved in a storyline, it will occupy my brain while I’m at work and need to be applying it to complicated legal matters. (Because when I’m in writing mode, the story is all I ever think about.)
But it’s been 3 months since my husband passed away and I think I’m starting to enter a depression phase. I’m not depressed to the point I can’t get out of bed and go to work—in fact, I prefer to go to work than stay home because I want some social interaction—but I do find myself completely unmotivated to do anything outside what’s necessary for basic survival. So yes to bathing and eating and going to work, but no to cleaning and cooking and gardening. And my house seriously needs some cleaning. Before my trip to Gulf Wars a few weeks ago, my dog found the paper towels I had laid out to pack and she tore them up.
Four rolls of them.
So, yeah, you can imagine what the state of my floors is like. I didn’t have time to clean up the mess while I was in the middle of packing, but I haven’t motivated to clean it up since, either.
I’ve been watching some new anime on Netflix the past few weeks, and whether it’s while reading a book or watching anime, I like getting immersed in another world. And right now, I really feel the need to be in another world for a while.
J. K. Rowling is someone who has obviously experienced the death of someone close to her, because she always describes it so well when Harry experiences a loss. After the death of Sirius, Harry doesn’t know what to do with himself; he doesn’t want to be alone, but neither does he want to be with his friends. It’s Luna he ends up making a connection with when he finds out that she too witnessed the death of someone she loved. Later, during the battle for Hogwarts, Harry goes into the Pensieve because he wanted to be somewhere else—anywhere else—but in his own mind and his own reality.
That’s kind of what I’m feeling now.
So I’ve been thinking about doing some writing. Yeah, I can read a book or watch more anime, but those never last very long—or, at least, long enough. Then I’m left with that disjointed feeling of being back in the real world and sad that the world that I was in is gone, and then I have to try and find something else that will give me another world.
Writing, by the fact that it takes longer to do than reading or watching something, and the fact that I can make something go on for as long as I want, is a world I can get into for longer. So I think I’m going to write something new.
Now, I know some people are going to ask why start something new instead of finishing something I’ve already started? Well, everything I’ve started has a sequel lying in pieces like a stolen car in a chop shop. The idea of going through the editing process to put all of the pieces back together and polish them up and proofread and get ready for publication . . . that’s more than I can handle at the moment. I want to write for fun, but editing is work. Hence why I’m seeking something new. I just want something to take my mind off things for a while. And then, maybe once I feel like I’m back in the groove, I will feel like tackling editing one of my sequels (and also maybe picking up all the paper towel fluff in the floor).