Bitchy Resting Face (or When Women Don’t Smile)


I only LOOK like I’m judging you with an air of superiority.¬† In reality, I’m smiling. No, really.

Ever since I was a child, I have been accused of being unhappy and/or unenthusiastic. My mother still complains about my apparent lack of happiness when I went on my first plane ride and when I got a trip to Disney World for my birthday. I have a hard time smiling for pictures, and even when I feel like I’m smiling, it comes off as a tight-lipped grimace.

Little did I know, I actually suffer from a widespread condition known as Bitchy Resting Face (the same condition in men is known as Asshole Resting Face). Bitchy Resting Face is a condition whereby women who aren’t bitches or who don’t feel particularly bitchy look as if they are bitchy.

Me-in-red-dress (Narrow)

Honest, I don’t hate you.

It’s not known how many women and men actually suffer from this condition, although if you experience any of the following symptoms, you may be a sufferer:

  • An inability to smile for pictures
  • Having people constantly look at you in concern and ask “What’s wrong?”
  • Having people tell you to smile and/or cheer up
  • Having people accuse you of being mad at them
  • An inability to show enthusiasm for gifts or even when winning the lottery


  • Does your funeral face look remarkably like your happy face?

Although the reasons why are not yet known, introverts make up an overwhelming number of those who suffer from Bitchy Resting Face (extroverts with a recent Botox injection make up the remainder of the group). In fact, if you think you suffer from Bitchy Resting Face, you should be tested for introversion, too.

While there is currently no permanent cure for Bitchy Resting Face, there are ways you can hide it.

  • Smile for no good reason
  • Smile even when you hurt, are angry, or actually feel bitchy
  • Smile to put other people at their ease (after all, it’s about their comfort, not yours!)
  • Smile to show your submissiveness (female apes do this all the time)
  • Stop thinking deep thoughts, which can furrow your brow and give your eyes a far away appearance (to fight off deep contemplation, try running through some scenes of Jersey Shore or Honey Boo Boo)


  • Plastic surgery can offer some correction to BRF by pulling up the cornersof your mouth and arching your eyebrows.
kenny-rogers after

Now when the Gambler comes to the table, you know he’s holding all the aces!

Kenny Rogers Before

Kenny Rogers, before plastic surgery, suffering from a deeply contemplative face.



For some hints and tricks, try this video, How to Smile Naturally for Photos:

To learn more about Bitchy Resting Face read: The Tyranny of the Smile: Why does everyone expect women to smile all the time? and ‘Bitchy resting face’ is real (kind of): but there’s hope