Kindle Crack

My dad gave me money for Christmas, and as I gently sniffed the rare scent of a crisp $100 bill, I wondered to myself, What shall I do with my money?

My husband advocated fiscal responsibility by way of saving for a vacation in March. I, however, have used up all of my fiscal responsibility over the past couple of years of recession-living, and I instead went to Amazon and ordered myself a Kindle and a used copy of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

The game came in the mail first, and I instantly became addicted. By the time my Kindle arrived, I was in the middle of killing many things, and I gave it only a cursory glance. We have no wi-fi in our area, so there was nothing I could do with it. (Come on Amazon; you could have at least shipped it pre-loaded with one book–Dickens or Wizard of Oz or something.)

The next evening I went to McDonald’s for supper and connected it via wi-fi.

Oh. My. Sweet. Lord.

Blessed are you, God, Ruler of the Universe, who has allowed me to live to see the day when I may store thousands of books in something smaller than a breadbox. In fact, I can store all of my books AND a full loaf of bread in a breadbox.

The first thing I did, of course, was go through the free titles section. Title looks interesting? Download it. Who knows? I may one day get a hankering to read the unabridged version of Moby Dick. With unlimited internet cloud storage and the ability to d/l everything to my computer, I can, theoretically, own every book ever e-published. And, just like when DVDs began taking over video tapes, not only are newly published books coming out in e-format, but every year older books are being released in e-format.

11 classic books by the greatest Jewish sages in history for 95 cents? Sucker, I downloaded that shit three seconds ago. Let me preach on about Ethics of the Fathers.

I’ve always been a good girl. I’ve never smoked a cigarette. I’ve never been drunk. I’ve never tried drugs; I’ve not even gotten high by way of second-hand marijuana smoke.

But I have just discovered my crack cocaine–my instantaneous-addiction meth. I am going down a long road in which Kindle will consume my soul. There’s nothing to do now but consult the Jewish sages regarding the theological implications of the situation. That, and make myself a leather Kindle case so I can enshrine its holiness.

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