October 12, 2010 – New Query

Okay, I’ve decided to make my query letter a little bit longer and make it–in my opinion–a little bit more interesting.  While the other query letter stated the plot in 250 words or less, it sounded boring.  There was no mention of love and no mention of what I find to be the most interesting idea: Jewish vampires. 

I came across an agent’s blog and she offered a writer’s successful query letter as an example, and it sounded more flavorful.

So here is my new query:

The idea for Accepted started with a rather bizarre spiritual question: what would a religious Jew do if he became a vampire?  As one of the characters points out, “Drinking blood is not kosher.  Very not kosher.” 

From this question was born the idea of vampires who originated the Middle East over four thousand years ago–just one of a number of nomadic, monotheistic tribes.  They eventually spread to other parts of the world, but they have maintained their separate cultural identity. 

But the world as they know it is falling apart; a new type of vampire has appeared.  No one knows where the strange vampire-human hybrids have come from, but they are secretive and appear to have no laws or morals.  The ancient Canichmehah are beginning to fear for themselves and even humanity itself.  

The story of the conflict between the Canichmehah and the Others is told from the point of view of Kalyn Reid, a sixteen-year-old human girl who has just been formally accepted by the Canichmehah as one of their human subordinates.  As she is thrown onto the front line of that conflict, she learns that an individual’s conscience matters much more than their species. 

She must also confront her own culture’s problems with prejudice and inequality.  When she grows too close to Anselm–the vampire who becomes her guardian–her human aunt tries to  take her away from him.  And while Anselm would risk his life out of love for Kalyn, she finds out the hard way, when it comes to the law, she is a second-class citizen. 

Accepted is an urban fantasy novel of approximately 114,000 words which begins Kalyn’s crash-entrance into adulthood.  This is the first book of a trilogy [remainder edited so I won’t spoil the plot].


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